Sunday, June 3, 2007

TAKING BREAKS - THE IMPORTANCE OF RESTING - A PERSONAL ASSESSMENT

I have taken this past week off, as those who might keep up with this blog may have noticed… I apologize for not leaving an update. I needed to stop in my tracks.

I needed to rest. I needed to take a week for me, to not help anyone else and rest see if I was being called to make a longer term commitment to the people of New Orleans whom I have come to love and who I desire to serve in any way that I may.

I was being called to do so and in “time” opportunities manifested in which through the Grace of loving support, and the finding of a space in which I can rest, I have been able to sign a 6 month lease - a commitment and a blessing, as I have been living mostly ‘outside’ in MA since 2001 - and since arriving in New Orleans, I continued to live in a state of 'unknowingness’ renting a space on a month to month basis, that was detrimental at best, to my ability to rest.

This commitment to love and other personal circumstances which have to do with my emotional, psychological, and spiritual evolvement as a result of my experiences in New Orleans, have required me to look as deeply and as honestly as I can within myself, to question the ‘purity’ of my compassion and the ‘purity’ of my serving/helping.

Why is ‘purity’ of service important to me?

In the compassionate reality I am striving to co-create within and live from, if the ‘giving’ of my heart and my hands to my brothers and sisters comes from an impure place within the self, then I believe I will be a contaminated vessel with limited effectiveness at best in the realm of service, with only limited amounts of Grace, Light and Love, able to move through my heart. The vessel, which is a conduit for the manifestation of the help, being tainted by unpurified/unawakened/broken aspects of the self, which can cause associated manifestations of drama, personality conflicts, ego aggrandizement, and acts of willfulness. My greatest concern - I may bring more harm than help, to those I feel a loving commitment to serve. For I strongly feel that for me, in my commitment to help in New Orleans, it is not wholly about the outward acts of helping to organize or facilitate things ‘happening’ in time and space, rather more importantly, it is about being an anchor point of love and hope - in which those who allow me into their lives as a part of their rebuilding process, find in me, a person who is trustworthy, honourable, and who understands that rebuilding is not just about the outer shell of the home or a life - it is about serving with a ‘pure heart’ the hearts of those who live with in it.

So during this time of rest and contemplation I have been questioning myself and asking of my self often, “how much of the giving and the helping I have offered has come from the purity of my heart?” How ‘pure’ is my giving? How much of my heart and my giving - the helping of my planetary brothers and sisters - is still connected to a heart that can be led astray by the will of my ego and the wounded - broken, aspects of my ‘self’ ?

Hence the 'birth’ the following blog postings: The exploration of the experiences of ‘brokenness’ and helping - within myself, those around me, and in my observations of the people and the city of New Orleans - in some ways it is a microcosm of the greater macrocosm of the experience of ‘brokenness’ and the ‘experience of healing’ on an individual and planetary basis.

IN PEACE.

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