PART 1: POST KATRINA 2 YEARS LATER: AN EXPLORATION OF HELPING AND THE EXPERIENCE OF 'BROKENESS' IN NEW ORLEANS
HELPING/SERVING - YOUR PLANETARY SISTERS “BACK-STORY".
“Why,” I asked myself, “have I come to New Orleans to help, to be in service?” And in time, an answer came to me, “because something that was essentially as ‘whole’ as it could be, had become broken, and my heart, compelled by compassion, felt a strong desire to be a part of serving/helping to bring that which had been broken, to a place a wholeness - in the name of love.”
This answer obligated - called me, to look at the ‘purity’ of this compassion, this love, and the desire to help.
“Is it,” I have been asking myself, “a way of avoiding facing myself or something ‘broken’ within myself? “
“Am I coming to a new level of being able to align with the Sacred Heart and compassionate giving?”
“Are both statements true?”
“And if they are, how can I maintain the highest standards of purity in my giving/service and monitor the places within me that may be responding from an aspect of being ‘wounded‘ or ‘broken‘, that is seeking to heal and become whole, which seems to me, to be an integral part of helping in the healing of others?”
As a result of being a participant in the process of purification* for these last 12+ years, I have become keenly aware of which aspects of myself that are still in need of healing, which aspects are actively being made whole again, and which aspects, have been made whole “more pure”.
Many spiritual, emotional, and psychological aspects of my ‘self ‘ have evolved enormously though intense suffering and self growth. And as a direct result, my human heart has been growing and expanding, aligning more and more with the cosmic and planetary Sacred Heart. It is, I believe, this alignment with the Sacred Heart, that awoke within me, the possibility of living in an embodied state in this planetary reality, where I could live a truly compassionate life, in service to my fellow brothers and sisters. Hence my recent experiences of joy after so many years of feeling as if my heart would burst from the expansion of love building within it and feeling the incredible grief and powerlessness of not being ‘ready’ to have interactions with those who would wish to receive this compassion.
A little bit of ‘back story’ to fill in a few of the missing pieces that might make this posting more cohesive to someone reading this who does not know me. Before arriving in New Orleans in February, as I have shared previously, I had spent the last 12+ years going through an intense spiritual purification process that has changed the meaning of conscious embodied life for me as I had previously understood it.
During these years, I became - by going through external and internal experiences of suffering which I consciously chose to surrender to - which were painful and once initiated were beyond the control of my self will unless I engaged in self numbing or self destructive behaviors; an ascetic of sorts. Living life in isolation, which for the most part was very difficult for me, as I am a naturally gregarious being. I would come out of this self-imposed and yet not - isolation, to help people through holistic readings, spiritual and holistic workshops, or spiritual counseling. Yet for a good 85% of my daily life over the last 10 years, I have lived in a level of isolation that tested the strength of my psychological and spiritual will, as my body and nervous system went through intense changes which led me to who I am today. (The process for those of you who wish to know, continues, but I am able to ‘manage’ being in the world at this time, my hope is that in the future, I will be able to hold more suffering whilst simultaneously holding more Light, without collapsing. And continuing to steadfastly not create any walls or boundaries, which I feel impedes the free passage of these energies in either direction, through my heart and body. Hence the picture of the Sacred Human which was shared with me in a vision and who I long to become, which I have recently posted on the side bar of this blog page).
This leads to the wrapping up of this introduction, by sharing lastly, how my daily interactions where I might have actively shared this intense compassion which had built and was continuing to build within my heart, was limited at best. The only means I found during those many years, was to express this compassion through daily circumstance which presented themselves, such as, holding those in my heart who passed by me in ambulances - the patient and EMT‘s; holding and praying for the safety of police officers, and firemen when they passed by sirens wailing; holding closely in my heart and trying to be ’with’ those who I passionately read about who were suffering world wide; and to hold my brothers of the animal kingdom, whom I would too often see in a heavily wooded and farming area that is experiencing sprawl, left to die on the road. For these sweet innocent beings, I would pray that their spirits had already left their bodies or would in the moment that the thought was coming into my consciousness, so that they might not be lying there in a process of suffering and dying on the road, as cars sped by and over them, repeatedly.
In December of 2006, I perceived that something had shifted within me and I hoped that I was strong enough physically, emotionally, psychically and that it was in Divine alignment that I might ‘break out’ of the intense isolation caused by my energetic sensitivities and venture back ‘into the world‘. And my asking for Divine guidance as to where to go, led me to New Orleans.
New Orleans. The perfect place for the compassion that my expanding human and Sacred Heart sought and continues to seek, to express itself.
Yet here in New Orleans, where I can serve in ways that meets my deepest of longings - I have also come to know ‘brokenness’ in people and in myself, that I had never really understood before. ‘Broken’ in this case: to become detached, separated, or disassociated; to become inoperative or to malfunction, as through wear or damage; to begin suddenly or violently or change abruptly into something else*. This ‘brokenness’ I realize, was in some cases, here long before the storm and even worse for many New Orleanians, after.
A note from your Planetary Sister: Whilst editing, I found myself attempting to remove the quote marks from the word ‘broken’ and found that they needed to be around the word each time I used it, it came to me that this state of beingness is part an unfoldment, an evolvement of the embodied self and it is from this place, that we as a species have created and brought forth much beauty and goodness and that these qualities are out of balance with the destruction, poverty, killing, and other forms of energetic darkness, that we have allowed to move through us which has brought about the harm of each other and our planetary mother.
Being an embodied witness and participant of this process this has not stopped the flow of compassion within me. Nor has it caused me to become overly cynical. ‘Brokenness’ for some - as I have witnessed - when entrenched with the energies of darkness within the hearts of humans, seems to cause alignment with energies which are at the root of behaviors such as lack of impulse control, stress related reactiveness, lying, manipulation, stealing, cheating, murder, incest, beatings, screaming, fighting, psychological and emotional abuse, pathologies, and addictive processes, etc. And I have been spending much time around and experiencing the affects of many types of ‘brokenness’ within my brothers and sisters, since arriving in New Orleans in February.
And hence the need for a ‘break’ as in a brief rest, as from work*.
I have found that periods of rest provides time to regroup. To sleep, eat well, sleep some more, and then re-assess myself, and the experiences I am involved in. It creates a time of inner silence so that there is space for inspiration and guidance as I let go of the suffering, the emotional content, and stress I have been processing - mine - and of those who I have been ‘with’ through service work and helping, those whom my heart has taken in.
Since being in New Orleans, some of my own issues around my ‘brokenness’ as in a fracture, to make a way through, to solve*, have come to the fore front of my heart - my consciousness - for purification and healing, as I interact with people who are seeking or not, to heal their own experiences of inner and outer ‘brokenness‘.
*Context -"Purification Process":